Long time contributor Lame Gorilla (aka Randy Randall) writes in with the following bold proposition: KISS's "Crazy Nights" deserves the Sammy Hagar Award for stupidest lyrics.
I've long maintained that "Hot Blooded" could not be beaten for stupidity. But KISS give Foreigner a good run for their money, especially with the line "if life is a radio, turn up to ten." That's exceedingly fucking stupid.
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KISS, "Crazy Nights"
(Whoow! Here's a little song for everybody out there)
People try to take my soul away, but I don't hear the rap that they all say
They try to tell us we don't belong, that's alright, we're millions strong
This is my music, it makes me proud, these are my people and this is my crowd
These are crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy nights
Sometimes days are so hard to survive, a million ways to bury you alive
The sun goes down like a bad bad dream
You're wound up tight, gotta let off steam
They say they can break you again and again, if life is a radio, turn up to ten
These are crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy nights
And they try to tell us that we don't belong
But that's alright, we're millions strong
You are my people, you are my crowd, this is our music, we love it loud
Yeah, and nobody's gonna change me, 'cos that's who I am
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17 comments:
Stupid KISS. Life is a highway.
I never understood that song, either. Does the fact that he wants to "ride it all night long" mean that he wants to be dead in the morning?
Can't Drive 55.
No doubt, Hagar's "I Can't Drive 55" is pretty high on the list of stupidity. But in my view "Hot Blooded" takes the cake becuase it really does sound as if a 13 year old boy wrote the lyrics.
Both songs are awful. Truly. I think the difference, though, between them is this: While Kiss's "Crazy Nights" was written to pander to thirteen year old boys, "Hot Blooded" actually manages to appear as if a thirteen year old boy was that author. And this is why "Hot Blooded" hasn't been yet beaten in comparison.
729:
Exactly. But this raises a question as to which is the more yucky: the adults pandering to the 13 year old boys, or the adults who cognitively are 13 year old boys?
You don't have to read my mind, to know what I have in mind. (I'll just tell you if asked....)
I would propose two alternate candidates that are infinitely more awful lyrically:
Exhibit A: Loudness "Rock 'n Roll Crazee Nights" http://www.musicsonglyrics.com/L/loudnesslyrics/loudnesscrazynightslyrics.htm
Exhibit B: Kiss "let's Put the X in Sex" http://www.tabcrawler.com/search.php?show=viewfile&letter=k&artist=kiss&tabname=lets%20put%20the%20x%20in%20sex%20lyrics&tabtype=lyrics&id=232024
Both seem to be written by 13 year olds weaned on MTV and scrambled porn.
Loudness gets a pass for not being native speakers of English. I'd say that same for Scorpions, btw.
Admittedly, KISS's "Let's Put the X is Sex" is really fucking stupid. For one thins 'sex' already has an 'x' in it. The 'x' is ALREADY THERE, so it's impossible to put it there. Fucking morons.
But you're right that "Let's Put" and "Hot Blooded" are pf the same genre, and are in competition. I still argue "Hot Blooded" is the winner, but it would be close.
Spiros: I would have to contend that "Let's Put the X in Sex" is probably the "winner" of this dubious award. While "Hot Blooded" is bad teenage poetry written by libidinous mid-twenty year olds, all the propositions are true to that horny teenager mindset and there are no real logical problems with the lyrics, though dumb they may be.
By contrast, you point out that even the chorus of "Let's Put the X in Sex" is stupid and has some logical problems since the "x" is already in the word therefore you cannot "put in" what is already there. To boot, the lyrics are bad teenage horndog poetry written by mid-thirty year olds, which is just downright more creepy than mid-twenty year olds writing such stuff.
Santa:
I disagree-- there's a *major* logic problem with "Hot Blooded." To wit:
He offers *as evidence* of his hot bloodedness the fact that he has a "fever of 103." But hot bloodedness has nothing to do with the temperature of one's blood when one has a fever. Hot bloodedness has to do with the average temperature of one's blood as compared to the average temperature of one's environment.
Now, you're right raise "Let's Put" as, at the very least, a strong competitor. "Love's like a muscle and you make me wanna flex" is arguably at least as bad as "Are you old enough? Will you be ready when I call your bluff." We'll need to do more research on the matter.
Spiros: I see your point and totally agree.
Excellent.
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Yeah it's stupid in all ways, it'ws like another stupid song that say: "the music, it's like a ballon, takes you high, it's like a ballon" hahaha sounds stupid really.
i hate kISS, maybe the worst band I've ever heard since the rolling stones. what a crap.
It is just a matter of opinion, for many people it is a crappy song and band, but for others they were just the greatest in those days.
You are right! life is like radio!
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