Thursday, August 7, 2008

Horrific

Would someone please sit this Johansson woman down and explain to her that she fucking sucks? I've heard better singing in a Jersey karaoke bar. And anyone should have sense enough to know that Tom Waits is sacred.


13 comments:

bones said...

People have died for lesser offenses.
We have discussed this at length.
She must be surrounded by "yes men" just trying to get into her pants, because any self respecting music fan/Waits fan would slap her for even thinking about covering his songs.
Disgraceful!

Spiros said...

Agreed. And "You're Innocent When You Dream" is easily among Waits' very best. SJ makes it sound like crap.

imipolex_g-unit said...

Ugh! I've heard about, but until now, hadn't heard SJ do TW.

Do these hipster assholes think they're funny? Are they making fun of Tom Waits?

Or is this a sincere yet obliviously ineffectual attempt at homage? Something like Bones's "yes men" theory is pretty plausible. Perhaps SJ is scrupulously protected from her own suckage. Someday, that protective wall will spring a leak.

I hope she can taste the hate.

Ok, commence anonymous webtards swooping in to defend SJ in 3...2...1...

PBK said...

I've heard better singing in a Jersey karaoke bar.

Damn right you have... though you missed the very best ever performance of Mr. Roboto on my birthday.

Also, Scarlett Johansson? Not hot.

p or not p said...

imipolex:

If you don't like SJ's cover of the song, why don't you make your own album of Tom Waits covers? You can use your Turing machines to play the instruments. Don't go all analytic philosopher on me and interpret this post apart from its context, either. Because analytic philosophers know nothing about context(ualism).

imipolex_g-unit said...

Because I'm too busy trying to improve popular philosophy. And the taste of boogers.

Spiros said...

PBK,

I believe I saw video footage of the birthday event. Despite the many times I'd heard that song previously, on this occasion, I was startled by the revelation that Mr. Roboto is, indeed, Kilroy. Kilroy! Kilroy!

SJ of *Ghost World* = hot.
Subsequent SJ = not so much.

Spiros said...

imipolex,

*Tom Waits and Philosophy*. You know you wanna....

Neil said...

I am a huge Waits fan. I have more Waits than anything else, I think, and that's a LOT of Waits. Bootlegs, all kinds of stuff. That's the context for the admission...I kind of like SJ's version. And I *think* I'm not embarrassed to say it. It has a nice fairground thing going, and she sings okay. Actually, if you compare her performance to some of Tom's when he was about the same age, she's doing pretty well.

Spiros said...

Neil,

Interesting. You're not the first to admit this kind of thing. I can't agree, though-- and I *tried* to give SJ a fair listen, too.

The Brooks Blog said...

Even worse: *I* have sung better than this in NJ karaoke bars!

Santa said...

SJ = sloppy

'nuff said. SJ may have been hot in Ghost World, but still sloppy with many more miles on her... and not dark Tom Waits miles or saucy Excene Cervenka miles am I talking about, just miles of half-assedness.

Spiros said...

Exene! Now that's what I'm talking about!