Saturday, June 27, 2009

Saturday Morning Poem

"Excalibur"

I froze your tears, and made a dagger
and stabbed it in my cock, forever
it stays there like Excalibur
Are you my Arthur?
Say you are.

Take this cool dark steeled blade
steal it, sheathe it in your lake
I'd drown with you to be together
Must you breath?
'Cause I need heaven.

--David Brent

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Still beats Maurice Leiter.

Glaucon said...

I prefer his work as a lyricist -- e. g., Hot Love on the Free Love Highway. And his dance moves rival those of the recently departed King of Pop ...

Anonymous said...

You get the double meanings?

Anonymous said...

Very powerful.

729 said...

Double meanings, anon 9:32? Who would have guessed?

So, there's another meaning to these lyrics besides a story about a seriously messed-up guy who, after making his girlfriend really, really sad for the thousandth and last time and finally dump his sorry ass, decides to experiment with sounding all by himself, but the metal sounding rod gets stuck in his dick and he can't get the damn thing out, which is unbelievably painful and growing increasingly painful every second, so he wants his ex-girlfriend to come back, imagining she will be like the Arthur of legend and help pull out the rod, especially since a trip to the ER for a sounding rod removal would prove a huge embarrassment, what with pictures and video probably ending up on Facebook and Youtube, so it's perfectly clear to him that it has to be her who helps because not only is she under no illusions about the huge freak he is, but also because he knows that she carries a huge tube of KY in her purse at all times, 'cause she's a woman who is truly always prepared and is something of a freak herself although in a good way, and he figures that if anything can get that piece of now hideously stabbing metal out, gobs and gobs of lubricant and a good hard yank from an angle that he cannot achieve on his own will do the trick, but when he's just about to call her he realizes that, honestly, he was a complete douche to her, which would cause her to laugh hysterically at his pathetic request and tell him to "jump in a lake." Moreover, he recognizes at that instant that his failed experiment at sounding was, in truth, another one of his ineffective attention-seeking yet predictably self-undermining ploys and the ridiculous depth to which he drove the rod was precisely the pathetic setup he somehow believed in the back of his mind could reunite him with his ex. Thus, with the knowledge that he probably would have to drown in a lake to get a even second of her attention, he sees that her very existence from now on will tortuously force him to confront the plain fact of his epic loserhood, but this existential torture isn't actually his main problem because, god-friggin' almighty, he still has a metal rod stuck in his dick.

That's what I thought it meant. I had no idea it might mean anything else. Learn somethin' everyday.

Spiros said...

Dawn's reaction to the fitst half of the poem (she says, "Good," think she's heard the whole thing) is classic.

Anonymous said...

June 27, 2009 at 12:21 pm:

Fuck you. You're a dead man.