Tuesday, March 1, 2011

DOOM Returns!

With the disaster that is the academic job market behind us, I think it's OK to resume the DOOM...

A fetus has been scheduled as a legislative witness in Ohio on a unique bill that proposes outlawing abortions after the first heartbeat can be medically detected.

Faith2Action, the anti-abortion group that has targeted Ohio to pilot the measure, called the in-utero witness the youngest to ever come before the House Health Committee at nine weeks old.

Faith2Action president Janet Folger Porter said the intent is to show lawmakers who will be affected by the bill, which is opposed by Ohio Right to Life and abortion rights groups as unconstitutional.

An aide to committee Chairman Lynn Wachtmann said a pregnant woman will be brought before the committee and an ultrasound image of her uterus will be projected onto a screen. The heartbeat of the fetus will be visible in color.

16 comments:

PA said...

Since the fetus can't place its hand on the Bible to swear on it, it will have to solemnly affirm that it will tell the truth, etc. instead. Not only will this rankle any Christian ant-abortionists in the room, it should also make them less willing to accept the Fetus's testimony. I'm sensing a win here.

Juggalosophy said...

Or an investment opportunity to market prenatal bibles.

anonymouse said...

Fetuses are liars anyway, bible or no bible. I made the mistake of buying a used car from one of those little fuckers once. That car gave me no end of trouble.

729 said...

Anonymouse, you realize that, if this works out, people who have been ripped off by fetuses like yourself will have grounds to sue them under state Lemon Laws. If it's got a heartbeat, you got a case.

CTS said...

Is it very difficult to move to Canada?

Glaucon said...

Fetal testimony, I can't help them with. But if they'd like some fecal testimony, just tell me where & when...

Anonymous said...

I'm no philosopher, but I say murder anyone who gets pregnant. Who's with me?

Anonymous said...

@1:11 You're right. You're no philosopher.

Anonymous said...

With the disaster that is the academic job market behind us...

Speak for yourself.

Anonymous said...

Anon 12:58, this is definitely a win -- if a courageous lawmaker steps up to the plate. Not only will the fetus not place its hand on the Bible, it won't solemnly affirm its commitment to the truth. I, for one, certainly wouldn't trust a fetus which refuses to profess a commitment to honesty. I hope some Ohio lawmaker will challenge its testimony for precisely those reasons. And then bring-in a dog to provide counter-testimony. You know, just to see what they say.

The Brooks Blog said...

Huh?!

anonymouse said...

729, while that would be a benefit, I prefer the law to remain unchanged. That way, I can continue blackmailing the thing without fear of prosecution. (In a back alley, I discovered it in a compromising position with a local prostitute. Since it is so close to the religious leaders in town, it has an interest in me keeping this information to myself.)

anonymouse said...

You know, conservatives in the US have both been pushing for fetal personhood AND for the prosecution of increasingly young children as criminals. After fetal testimony maybe, maybe fetal prosecution and (dare I think it?) execution are just around the corner!

PA said...

Glad DOOM's back. But when should we expect PUBLIC PHILOSOPHY?

Anonymous said...

So wait...is this woman going to abort her fetus if this law is not passed? Otherwise, this fetus would just be another bleeding-heart Victorian crying out for the fates of other fetuses it knows nothing about. When will it end?!

Anonymous said...

A news story 18 years from now: "Former Fetus-Witness Decries Parents' Exploitation, Advocates Reproductive Freedom"